This latest Dear Church is a Spoken Letter, shared with permission from a brave soul who originally shared her story on her own platform. She shares this description as well:
This is my response to the accumulation of advice I’ve been told that is more shameful than helpful. And my message of thanks to the few leaders who showed me compassion and mercy in the midst of my struggle. 📚resources for christian women struggling with sexual/love/relationship addictions
The Grace Spot Ministries: https://bit.ly/3gCeHWB
Beggar’s Daughter: https://beggarsdaughter.com/
SHE Recovery: https://bit.ly/2zJk9X3
Worth Recovery: https://bit.ly/2AqeVPL
Naked Truth Recovery: https://bit.ly/2Aw3ery
Dear Church, From a Comforted Daughter
Dear Church,
As Saint John Paul II always said, “Be Not Afraid.” I know it can be scary to reach out to those who have mental illness because you think you need to have all the answers to their problems. The great news is that you do not need to solve their problems, you just have to be with them.
You see struggling with mental illness is so hard. We believe so many lies such as, “You are a burden” to “No one wants you around.” All we want is a safe place to land. A safe place where we feel welcomed and not ashamed for having a mental illness. The Church supports those who have visible medical conditions which yes, is so beyond important but we who struggle with mental illness want support too!
I have had the opportunity to carry my cross of having both severe anxiety and depression for 8 years! The journey has been long but it has been such an honor to carry this cross that way I can be there for others who are struggling. I want to share a story from one Sunday Mass my freshman year of highschool.
It was a cold February Sunday. I got to church and went to my assigned “unassigned” pew. We all have our favorite spots, am I right? As I arrived at church, I was starting to have a panic attack knowing my Great Grandmother would not be here with me much longer. The emotions were high and the prelude music was making me feel extra emotional. It happened my youth minister was sitting right in front of me this week. Before Mass started, she saw me and asked me to move up a pew to sit with her. I did not want to move and make a scene, but also knew my youth minister well enough to know she would insist. She knew exactly what I needed at that moment, I moved and was so grateful. She did not say anything and I want you to know, she did not have too! My youth minister knew the right words would not fix the emotions I was feeling but she did know I needed someone to be with me.
My beautiful and loving Church, you do not have to find the right words to support us during our times of heightened anxiety and depression. We just need someone to be with us. Someone who is willing to sit with us when our world feels like it is falling apart and pray for us when we cannot bring ourselves to pray. Be not afraid to reach out because you never know who may need someone during their time of need.
Your,
Comforted Daughter
Dear Church, From a Former Wallflower
Dear Church,
My Confirmation preparation was a life-changing experience for me, but it had nothing to do with my prep classes. In fact, I dreaded them, and as soon as I was confirmed, I left the youth programs and never went back.
I should have been an avid youth group member. I loved to learn, especially about the Church. I loved to be in a classroom, and I loved to be with friends in a classroom. The problem was, I had no friends in Confirmation class, and I didn’t know how to make any. In fact, I was certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that no one in my Confirmation class liked me — that, in fact, they despised or looked down on me — and I knew I could never change their minds.
The truth, which I realized later in life, was that none of my fellow students disliked me. They just didn’t know me, and I didn’t make it easy for them to do so. As a teenager with social anxiety disorder, my default assumption was that other people — particularly other teenagers — didn’t like me and that nothing I did could ever change their minds. I was just fundamentally unlikeable.
Now, as an adult with several years of therapy under my belt, I can see the faulty reasoning there — what my therapist calls the “evidence” that proves my “core belief” incorrect (not the least of which was the unconditional love I received from the parents who sent me to Confirmation class!). But I can also see the faults in the approach to Confirmation prep that allowed a 13-year-old girl with social anxiety disorder to slip through the cracks, to fall in love with the Church because of her accidental discovery of her patron saint, not because of anything the parish did to nurture that love. The faith formation leaders did their best, but they were not equipped to identify and support mental illness in a Confirmation classroom.
Here’s what I wish my parish had known:
Not every teenage girl is a social butterfly. Some will shrink into the shadows, making every attempt not to be seen by their peers.
An overnight retreat may be terrifying to some students. (That doesn’t necessarily mean you shouldn’t require one, but find ways to make it easier for those students.)
It’s important to find ways to help students meet each other in natural (or as natural as possible) ways rather than allowing them to segment themselves by school or clique.
Catechists should get to know each of their students, especially the quiet ones, and figure out ways to get them involved with their peers and with the lessons.
Ultimately, some Confirmation candidates may slip through the cracks. Some are there because their parents are forcing them to, and some of them are there because they want to but don’t know how to fully engage with the process. Through empathy, compassion, and prayer, we can reach more of them. This former wallflower confirms it.
Love,
The Former Wallflower